The battlefield that i live in.

Status: sore throat and nothing more.

Bored to death and when you’re alone,your mind wanders. It starts to think,ponder and you start questioning yourself  and before i could do that, i run and on the tv,eat or sleep.

 

We are born to this placed filled with who we are.  Got me wondering why at times. Oh well,it’s a battlefield so get yourself armed i guess.

Superhuman.

Today was boring until the part where i heard that someone from ndp was suspected for H1N1,so those in ndp has to go home and quarrantine themselves. Sucks. Oh well. I’m having H1N1 and you’re talking about dance. Argh,nevermind. Maybe they are just oblivious.

 

I can feel it,boredom is going to strike staying at home!

The glass isn’t half full,it’s half empty. Is it?

Phfff.

 

Yesterday was mundane except the fact that i get to see nis puppy,ROCKY! It was so cute and adorable. Right until the part where it pooped. ROFL.  Yes,the dance. Sigh, no comments. I just feel like a fish out of water and i forget the dance moves so easily. Argh,ok. Ok,i’m going to pay attention now cause it’s my favourite module,communication module.

Town with no cheer.

 

DON’T READ THIS. THANKS.(I’m just venting)

 

I’m feeling like spit where someone spitted out on the pavement. I’m not feeling good mentally and physically. I’ve been such a pig nowadays. Peopl have this masks they wear to hide their true selves and i always wonder why? Is it cause we will get scared or we won’t accept for who you are really. To be honest, i don’t give a fuck,as long as you are who you are, i will cherish you till the end. All they do is hide and have this fake persona.

I at time wonder,if i’m good enough for anyone. For this world,family,friends,classmates,teachers. Am i even worthy to be even taken care off by my family. I always wonder,is it even worth eating dinner or lunch where people out there are working their ass out and all they get is water and maybe rice whereas i just go to the fridge and grab a chocalate bar anytime. I feel at times i’m a burden to my own family and to the world. I’m nothing but a heavy human with no purpose in life. I feel like ending my life & not being a burden to the world.

Only when i start feeling good about myself and appreciating the good things that is going on in my life,god wants to test me again. I falter. What is right and wrong? What is bad and good? Is there a difference nowadays? People just do things that are immoral to get what they want. Is it called life? Is that just plain wrong? I’m just losing grip on everything and i’m in this alone. I’ve hopes and aspiration but then at times it is crushed and i will sit there pondering is my aspirations logical and if it isn’t, then my purpose of living for 17 years is useless. I just wish all the negativity is sucked into a black hole and trapped in a box and when i’m mentally stable and in private i will attend to the problem one by one. I hate letting people know i’m not feeling good,if i’m not feeling good i don’t others to be affected by me. I try everytime to crack a joke or two to make others laugh and looking at them laughing makes me feel better. Sounds stupid but whatever.

 

  I am walking this road alone,and when i turn i see no one but my shadow.

Against the world,and the world won.

This week is getting worst. I take back what i said. School is not a joy. I’m miserable. Yesterday,my house internet craashed for some apparent reason and i had to go down under a block and use some random wireless network. I don’t really know what do right now.

 

When i was young,the playground was my world. I would think of strategies to actually win all the games such as hide and seek and my favourite game,monkey bars. Now,school is my world. Now i should think of what to say and not to say and also how to be competitive at times. Alot of thing are happening at the same time,and i do not know which problem to attend. I just feel like packing m bags and running away,change my name and live my life in a new country. I want to actually take the high road.

I’ve not be praying and i always try to be connected with god 100% but unfortunately life is very hectic. I’m having faith in god and walking my head held up high,and not taking any comments that actually puts me down. I just hope god gives me the ability to actually push through this time and help me pull through. This is when it all falls apart.  Now i’m actually considering if i should pursue the media route or just stick to some crappy job that pays decently. If i did that,for all this years there was no sense in life. Sigh,looking at the way things are going i’m not handling it well.