What a dream.

The whole thing was funny and just random. It was all fun and games,until reality came in. I questioned myself,it’s like a mini little adventure in discovering who you are. There were times where butterflies were in my stomach and there were times were i will start panicking and try my level best not to sound stupid.

It was a new experience and i never regretted a single moment of it cause it’s this kind of stuff that makes you a better person. I just hoped that things will go on and then it all can be magical and not some pixie dust that lasts for a few minutes and then dies off. 

You make me laugh,little beyonce wannabe (single ladies). You make me think. You make me smile. Sometimes you act like some goofball and you don’t even know it. The dreams is so real and the moment i wake up…..

Bittersweet,emphasis on the bitter.

I don’t know how to start this post. I’m dumbfounded with everything. The actions of people affects us and hurts us. I’m disappointed in myself. I am just hurt on how the situation was handled. Oh well,things happened. Another episode i guess. Everything went wrong and things are just messed up. I’ve never cried for a long time and i almost  did. I felt like a weak pathetic soul cause boys don’t cry but then what can you do?

I almost died when i was in the train and the phone conversation was very useful. I kinda sorted things out,well not really it just made me feel better for like a minute only. I feel like some squashed pepsi can and being thrown in the recycle bin.Oh well,this shit always open but what to do,this journey called life isn’t easy. 

Back to some lighter topic,today was quite boring actually. I just took some notes that could inspire to like enhance the performance and shalom’s idea was like brilliant! I’m just waiting to get my hands on the equipment.HAHA.

You belong to me.

 

It’s raining at 7 in the night and the feeling is just comforting,coming out from my warm shower and my hair still damp and in my bed. 

Awoken by my alarm and yes,i chowed down some good old meat in the morning,big breakfast & for lunch is chicken rice and dinner,subway melt with extra bacon! I’m such a weak soul that loses to temptation. The car ride was not that exciting,cause saranya was driving slow. I was actually very excited cause i never like sat in a car where your friend drives. LOLS. 

I’m still shocked about it. It is actually quite disturbing to know that your friends did this behind your back. I don’t know how they have still the audacity to act as if nothing happened and smile and talk to me. It’s actually quite hurting. I’m lost for words. Sigh. :/

PS: I bet that picture stirred some wild fantasy.haha. DON’T. That fantasy belongs to me.

Never loved.

I’ve just felt the urge to blog now. I’ve this unpleasant feeling and it doesn’t seems to fade off as usual. I don’t wanna sound like a loser but hate to say it i’ve never been in love. Only puppy love and crushes. Sometimes i feel so awkard thinking of it. Loving someone,in a very intimate way. Being naked in an emotional way where you wouldn’t be judged with your random thought. Waking up in the morning,and seeing you with your hair all tousled and your salvia drooling from your mouth and the occasional snoring and saying “I LOVE YOU” I don’t know where that scene popped out from but then again it makes sense. We tend to plan things, but this kind of things just comes and hits you when you’re least expecting. All you can do is not avoid it but embrace it. I just finished wathing the season premiere of gossip girl. I want georgina back soon,cause she excites the whole show apart from serena. The highlight of the episode, blair and chuck! HAHA! OMG! I know this is just a tv show,but then they are together. It is so funny on how blair taps in her insecurities and tests it out.  Yes,and love is also when you tend to forget your insecurities cause you know that someone accepts your flaws and all. Blair should just stop fussing and just go with the flow. OK,it’s 2 in the morning and i better go sleep now.

Leave me alone.

I hate occasions where all the family members gather. That’s when the long lost aunty sees and judges you. It was just crappy. Mum was not even bothered to see if i woke up or not?  She got all the other 2 nicely dressed up. I just wore the jeans i wore yesterday and some crappy shirt and followed them. On top of that,it was raining. UGH.

Apparently.some of the relatives didn’t know who was the eldest cause my brother was taller and stuff. I am not pissed about that,but the fact that my mum said ya,he is more matured. She sugar coated it,i know wht exactly she means. Then this dumb ass family friend came. He used to tutor me when i was secondary 1. I dreaded it.  I hated it. His wife,another one. Major bitch. Sigh,no matter how much i try,i’m not good enough for my family,relatives & life. I just wish i could like disappear with the wind. The wife was like talking to my uncle and i was waiting for them to finish their dumb ass conversation,and she was like “oh venkat,why are you here,following us like some kind of shadow” I was super shocked and i just stood there with my mouth open and my uncle spoke and said “he is waiting for me and i think i better go off” My uncle and i can be preety competitive at time cause he is only 4 years older than me but he is nice.  I hate her and the husband,once when i was at their house for tution,she was teaching me english. Then she was on the computer,and  i wanted to ask her something which i can’t remember now,but then she was watching porn! I saw naked boobs on her desktop,and i just turned away. My uncle told me “why didn’t you shout and make a huge deal out of it ?” Oh well,i was super traumatised and i was only 12 at that point of time. GOD! I just hate my life,sometimes they say family cares for you the most but right now i think my friends are doing a better job.